I was talking with a friend the other day, and out of confusing and frustration I said, "how can I have so much love for people but also feel so much hate for them. Without skipping a beat she said "But you don't hate them. You hate that they don't love enough." Woah. It's weird when someone knows you better than you know yourself sometimes. She was totally right. I get soooo upset and frustrated when people don't love enough, love their kids enough. Love themselves enough. Love their environment enough. I feel so much anxiety for people for so many various reasons. Everyone just accepts unhappiness as a part of life. This is where my bitterness comes in. I am starved for connection with people, but people are so hard to connect with.
Why is love so hard to give?
Why is help so hard to give?
Why are so many people stuck in a trance of unhappiness?
These are the questions I have been asking myself a lot lately.
I feel like my entire life I have done everything I could to reverse the feeling of being unloved by fully loving someone unconditionally. Whether a friend, boyfriend, or parent. That somehow if I just kept loving them unconditionally, their walls would finally come down and they would finally being able to move passed their complexes. They say "All you need is love." While I still think it's true, giving love is not fucking easy man.
"All is Full of Love" Bjork