I don’t think I realized how sharing this project publicly would make me feel even more uncomfortable around people I know. Everywhere I go I feel like there is a gigantic elephant in the room..everyone watching me to see if I am acting sad, or depressed. Or maybe they feel extra bad for me…whatever the case, it’s caused me to feel very uncomfortable. Is this just another issue with vulnerability? Intimacy with another human being, whatever form? I mean, I never felt like anyone ever really liked me to begin with. But now, they can judge me and be annoyed by me from afar. Definitely feels worse than feeling that way on the spot. When I do go out, I feel like saying something about it in hopes to eliminate the elephant in the room, but when I imagine doing it, it does not go well. I’ll definitely end up going round and round over how I handle confronting that elephant and probably never show my face again. My insecurities are having a field day. I am even annoyed with myself.
“I Won’t See You Tonight” Avenged Sevenfold